you know, i only go on Tumblr when i’m upset, or lost within myself, which i mean could be one in the same. whenever i come on here, i see inspirational things. two women, married, publicizing it, with no hate. i adore that. i see people bringing others, whom they may not even know, up from rock bottom. telling them everything is going to be okay. that life will get better, and they should not end what they have going for them because of what is happening now. I LOVE THAT. but the point of this “rant” i guess is to get some shit off of my chest. so,
i am head over fucking heels for my boyfriend. i’m not obsessed with him, i’m not high maintenance, i’m not clingy, i just love him and care about his well being, as well as our relationship. which i feel like he doesn’t understand. i don’t ask where he is 24 fucking 7. but i do care what he is doing and who he is with. the only way i will stop him from what he is doing is if it is something that will hurt him, or something that will get him in a great deal of trouble. that is seriously all. but when i call his friend, ONCE, i am the obsessive girlfriend. i called his friend, asked where Zach was, and he said he was at a party, i said okay, thanks. THAT WAS ALL. Zach took it as i was searching for him and am overly obsessed. i’m sorry i care. i’m sorry that i like to know if you’re safe. i’m sorry i want to see you. not even see you. get a phone call from you. that’s all i want, really. i’m a very laid back girlfriend, i don’t ask for much, but that rare time i do, he seems to make it as i do all the time.. which really bothers me.
i love him. i really do. but the fact that i’m trying to make this work, and it seems like it isn’t, is the hardest part about it.
maybe i’m over thinking shit…but i just don’t know.
and i wrote this on Tumblr to get a random person’s advice, really. not to get sympathy from some “friend” i haven’t talked to in a long time. they don’t care. people on Tumblr sometimes have souls and a conscious. i just don’t know anymore..